It's been a long time since I've woken up voluntarily before 9am. My new job, which I love, allows me to sleep most of the day - since I'm there most of the night. But this morning was different.
Typically, if I'm waking up early, it's due to anxiety. The horrible questions of whether or not I can actually be a successful adult? Am I making my parent's proud? Am I making a fool out of myself. Are there things that I should be doing that I'm not? Am I going to be able to pay rent next month?
This morning, I woke up, and Jesus said, "This morning is for me. So get yourself up out of bed and do what I tell you to do."
I took my time actually getting up. After all, I don't have to be at work for another six hours. But then he started to speak to me. He spoke to me about how much he loves me and how he is to be my song for the rest of my life. How I've been distracted and he's tired of it. At one point there was something like, "I know you love your boyfriend, and I mean, I'm the one who put him in your life. I know how he makes you feel. I know how great he is. But don't forget that I am your first love. I am the one who makes your heart sing. I wake you up with butterflies. I died for you. I give you hope. I give you life. Don't forget."
And then I remembered, and I was filled with unspeakable joy. It's been a while. And I can admit that. I can admit that my walk isn't perfect. That I trip, fall, stumble, try and pick myself back up, and then fall back down again. I can admit that I get caught up in everything that isn't the Lord and forget to focus on him more often than I should. I can admit that I forget my first love.
But he loves me anyway. This morning he reminded me that he knows that I'm made of flesh. He knows that sometimes I forget to notice his wooing and instead I focus on everything else. Even as I write this, Satan keeps trying to grab my attention with half a dozen other things. BUT GOD, in all of this glory and in all of his love, continues to woo me. He continues to get my attention. He wakes me up in the morning and won't let me go back to sleep.
For that I am so so grateful. I am so so glad that I serve a God that can't get enough of me. I am so glad to serve a God that is deeply in love with me. I serve a good that is entranced by my beauty. And it's all because of him. He knows that he made me the way that I am and he loves me exactly where I'm at.
It's been a while since I've written, but I hope this is an encouragement to all of you out there who need it today. There is someone who loves you. There is someone who wants you. There is someone that would and is moving heaven and earth to spend time with you. NOTICE HIM. He's worth the time.
Happy Thursday!
Thursday, December 10, 2015
Sunday, August 9, 2015
The King of My Heart
The last time you heard from me I was applying for jobs and had just been accepted by a company to be trained as a manager.
The last time you heard from me, my boyfriend and I had recently broken up.
The last time you heard from me, I was in a very different place in life.
I've learned something about myself in the ten months I've been away from you, my readers. Who sits on the throne of my heart determines what's important to me and how I live my life.
Shocker, right? I mean, I've heard this in church my entire life, but until it happened in a way where this other King completely consumed my life and he often raised his holy fist and declared things over my life, I didn't really understand what it would mean. What does it really mean for someone or something other than God to sit on the throne of my heart?
I've been there now. I feel like I can actually say that I've walked away from God and my faith and come back. I am the Prodigal daughter. And as heart breaking as that is for those who watched me and myself looking back, I can't escape the beauty of the coming back.
I made something my god. I allowed my job and others to become the rulers of my life and my heart. It's bad when the only things you can relate to anymore have to do with your job. All I could talk about was my job. I stopped going to church, because I was "to tired" to invest in my Community any more. And the further I walked away from my Community, from my friends who keep me straight, and my Jesus who speaks to me every single day, the further I got away from who I am, who God has made me to be, and even further away from what my life should look like with him in it.
I am not of the opinion that EVERYTHING that I've done in my time away from the Lord was sin. But here's the thing, because I was no longer communing with my Jesus, EVERYTHING felt like sin. I felt dirty and unclean (and some of it was dirty and unclean). The Bible says that if you know what is right and you don't do it, then you've sinned (James 4:17). I'm not big on reading the Bible literally, but in my case, over the last ten months, this verse has literally rang true in my life. There have been things that may be right for others, but is not right for me. I did it anyway (because it's not technically a sin! right?! - wrong) and stepped further from Jesus.
I had joined this wonderful Community of believers, and I stopped going. I didn't even stream the services (like I did today - slept through my alarm clock). This Community that I had grown to love and enjoy and appreciate, I stopped joining them. I stopped appreciating them. I found every reason in the world to stop going on Sunday morning and to definitely stop being a part of my life group (because they wouldn't understand, right? - wrong).
Good things things that God had put in my life were slowly starting to fade away and I was completely consumed by my new King. I lost my optimism. I lost my enthusiasm. I lost my desire to write and read. I lost my desire to live graciously and show people the love of Christ. I lost my desire to further know Him who created me. And for a while, I lost my faith.
But then I woke up. I literally woke up one day and realized that I was miserable and far from where I needed to be in Christ. I woke up and slowly started to walk back to Jesus. And gradually, it went from walking, to jogging, to sprinting into the arms of the one who never leaves me. He welcomes His prodigals home with open arms and with great enthusiasm.
So, my dear readers, I'm back and writing. And I hope that if you are a prodigal, that you hear this: He's waiting for you and He loves you.
Until next time!
The last time you heard from me, my boyfriend and I had recently broken up.
The last time you heard from me, I was in a very different place in life.
I've learned something about myself in the ten months I've been away from you, my readers. Who sits on the throne of my heart determines what's important to me and how I live my life.
Shocker, right? I mean, I've heard this in church my entire life, but until it happened in a way where this other King completely consumed my life and he often raised his holy fist and declared things over my life, I didn't really understand what it would mean. What does it really mean for someone or something other than God to sit on the throne of my heart?
I've been there now. I feel like I can actually say that I've walked away from God and my faith and come back. I am the Prodigal daughter. And as heart breaking as that is for those who watched me and myself looking back, I can't escape the beauty of the coming back.
I made something my god. I allowed my job and others to become the rulers of my life and my heart. It's bad when the only things you can relate to anymore have to do with your job. All I could talk about was my job. I stopped going to church, because I was "to tired" to invest in my Community any more. And the further I walked away from my Community, from my friends who keep me straight, and my Jesus who speaks to me every single day, the further I got away from who I am, who God has made me to be, and even further away from what my life should look like with him in it.
I am not of the opinion that EVERYTHING that I've done in my time away from the Lord was sin. But here's the thing, because I was no longer communing with my Jesus, EVERYTHING felt like sin. I felt dirty and unclean (and some of it was dirty and unclean). The Bible says that if you know what is right and you don't do it, then you've sinned (James 4:17). I'm not big on reading the Bible literally, but in my case, over the last ten months, this verse has literally rang true in my life. There have been things that may be right for others, but is not right for me. I did it anyway (because it's not technically a sin! right?! - wrong) and stepped further from Jesus.
I had joined this wonderful Community of believers, and I stopped going. I didn't even stream the services (like I did today - slept through my alarm clock). This Community that I had grown to love and enjoy and appreciate, I stopped joining them. I stopped appreciating them. I found every reason in the world to stop going on Sunday morning and to definitely stop being a part of my life group (because they wouldn't understand, right? - wrong).
Good things things that God had put in my life were slowly starting to fade away and I was completely consumed by my new King. I lost my optimism. I lost my enthusiasm. I lost my desire to write and read. I lost my desire to live graciously and show people the love of Christ. I lost my desire to further know Him who created me. And for a while, I lost my faith.
But then I woke up. I literally woke up one day and realized that I was miserable and far from where I needed to be in Christ. I woke up and slowly started to walk back to Jesus. And gradually, it went from walking, to jogging, to sprinting into the arms of the one who never leaves me. He welcomes His prodigals home with open arms and with great enthusiasm.
So, my dear readers, I'm back and writing. And I hope that if you are a prodigal, that you hear this: He's waiting for you and He loves you.
Until next time!
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