I was talking to Jesus right after I got back from Ireland, and I told him, "Lord, I want you to slam every single door in my face that you don't want me to walk through." Pretty shortly after, I ended up breaking-up with my boyfriend, and was told to stop calling from one of the places I had been applying.
I've dealt with some pain in the last two months since I've been back. It hasn't been easy. It's hard to break the habit of texting your boyfriend every day. And it's hard to have yet another place tell you that they aren't interested in hiring you or that you don't have enough "experience" to fill the position.
I've wanted to scream at myself, "Krista! It shouldn't be this hard to stop talking to him! You work every single day. It's not like you were talking very often anyway!" And then I went to yell at all of those employers, "Um, excuse me. I can't get experience unless someone agrees to train me." I told one law office, "Here's the deal, I'm not intimidated by my lack of experience because I'm an enthusiastic and eager learner. I'm also a quick learner. So if you'll agree to train me, I will learn quickly and you won't regret it."
They didn't call me back.
I haven't applied anywhere in a while, and I don't miss him anymore; things are getting better. But it turns out that rejection and separation hurt. Growing-up hurts. I think it's just as painful for my family as it is for me. My mom is freaking out because all of her babies are going to be leaving very soon. Dad just keeps giving speeches about responsibility. It's hard for all of us.
All those damned closed doors. I mean really. I wasn't intending on applying to every single place I could think of when I started the job hunt, but when they weren't calling back, and I was basically stalking them, what else am I supposed to think?
But then this thing happened. I actually got the job that I wanted initially. Ha! Try that one on for size. It's been blowing my mind for the last several days. The job that I actually waned took the longest to apply, prepare, and hear back... But I got it.
Here's the crazy thing about that: I wouldn't have even applied if I had still been dating my boyfriend. I wouldn't have even looked at it if I had moved out immediately upon coming home - which I thought about a couple of times. (Damn closed door. I'm still living at home.) I wouldn't have realized how much I love my job or how much I value the people that I work with which turns out is going to be really important, if I had decided not to go back and work somewhere else.
I wouldn't have been enthusiastic about this job that I now have if I hadn't been turned down from other places - if I hadn't been forced to have a positive attitude about the bed that I was choosing to make and lie in. The extra time actually gave me time to value the company that I'm going to be working for. It gave me time to get to know my managers, who are invaluable to my learning experience there. (I mean really, my managers are the bomb-diggity.) All of those damned closed doors have made me exceedingly enthusiastic about working for a company that I respect and appreciate.
Maybe those closed doors aren't damned at all..... maybe their blessed....
Gratitude can do a lot to our perspective on life... I'm really grateful for parents who love me enough to freak out over the fact that I'm growing-up. I'm grateful that they want to give me speeches about financially responsibility and time - even though it really annoys me most of the time. I'm grateful that after ever interview or phone call with a company my dad has reminded me, "Who's your Daddy?" Not referring to himself, but referring to my Heavenly Father who knows best for me in all situations. I'm grateful that I've had the time to do Management Relief which has given me the time to get to know employees in other departments and get a glimpse at what I'm going to be doing in a couple of months. I'm grateful for the time that I've had to make friends in Nashville.... Cause I really thought I was gonna have to move to another state just so I could have friends....
Yeah... Blessed closed doors... not damned closed doors. I like that. I guess I just needed the patience to see that closed doors aren't the end of the world. They just guide me to the door where I can knock and enter in...
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