The past year...

Hello readers,

It's been a while. I've been debating about whether or not I actually want to start writing again. The past year or so has been hard - actual crying so hard I'm down on my knees kind of hard. My faith has struggled significantly. My emotions have been all over the place. I have financially struggled. My relationships have struggled. Life has been hard, actually hard.

Now, some days all I want to do is cry or scream. I can't blame anyone else for the position I'm in - and so I struggle with guilt - guilt so strong and so bad that I have panic attacks for no apparent reason. I don't trust anyone because I feel to dark - how could anyone really love and accept me where I'm at.

There have been times where I have experienced blissful joy and overwhelming peace - but honestly, in the last couple months it just hasn't happened.

I was looking back on my last post in December, and I hardly even remember that day. That was before all the shit hit the fan - so to speak. Sometimes I feel like a shadow of who I was. I know that one day I'll look back on it and I'll tell stories of this time in my life where I was "growing."

Sometimes I just want to scream, "SCREW THE GROWING!!!!" Seriously, who needs to go through hard stuff to be a better more mature, wise person anyway. I don't want to learn all of these lessons that life seems to want to teach me.

So now that I've sounded like a wounded whiny baby, I hope all of you, my gracious readers, can stomach to continue reading. I'm feeling like I'm currently on an upswing. *knock on wood* Hopefully, I didn't just ginx myself.

As always - peace and love!!