The last time you heard from me I was applying for jobs and had just been accepted by a company to be trained as a manager.
The last time you heard from me, my boyfriend and I had recently broken up.
The last time you heard from me, I was in a very different place in life.
I've learned something about myself in the ten months I've been away from you, my readers. Who sits on the throne of my heart determines what's important to me and how I live my life.
Shocker, right? I mean, I've heard this in church my entire life, but until it happened in a way where this other King completely consumed my life and he often raised his holy fist and declared things over my life, I didn't really understand what it would mean. What does it really mean for someone or something other than God to sit on the throne of my heart?
I've been there now. I feel like I can actually say that I've walked away from God and my faith and come back. I am the Prodigal daughter. And as heart breaking as that is for those who watched me and myself looking back, I can't escape the beauty of the coming back.
I made something my god. I allowed my job and others to become the rulers of my life and my heart. It's bad when the only things you can relate to anymore have to do with your job. All I could talk about was my job. I stopped going to church, because I was "to tired" to invest in my Community any more. And the further I walked away from my Community, from my friends who keep me straight, and my Jesus who speaks to me every single day, the further I got away from who I am, who God has made me to be, and even further away from what my life should look like with him in it.
I am not of the opinion that EVERYTHING that I've done in my time away from the Lord was sin. But here's the thing, because I was no longer communing with my Jesus, EVERYTHING felt like sin. I felt dirty and unclean (and some of it was dirty and unclean). The Bible says that if you know what is right and you don't do it, then you've sinned (James 4:17). I'm not big on reading the Bible literally, but in my case, over the last ten months, this verse has literally rang true in my life. There have been things that may be right for others, but is not right for me. I did it anyway (because it's not technically a sin! right?! - wrong) and stepped further from Jesus.
I had joined this wonderful Community of believers, and I stopped going. I didn't even stream the services (like I did today - slept through my alarm clock). This Community that I had grown to love and enjoy and appreciate, I stopped joining them. I stopped appreciating them. I found every reason in the world to stop going on Sunday morning and to definitely stop being a part of my life group (because they wouldn't understand, right? - wrong).
Good things things that God had put in my life were slowly starting to fade away and I was completely consumed by my new King. I lost my optimism. I lost my enthusiasm. I lost my desire to write and read. I lost my desire to live graciously and show people the love of Christ. I lost my desire to further know Him who created me. And for a while, I lost my faith.
But then I woke up. I literally woke up one day and realized that I was miserable and far from where I needed to be in Christ. I woke up and slowly started to walk back to Jesus. And gradually, it went from walking, to jogging, to sprinting into the arms of the one who never leaves me. He welcomes His prodigals home with open arms and with great enthusiasm.
So, my dear readers, I'm back and writing. And I hope that if you are a prodigal, that you hear this: He's waiting for you and He loves you.
Until next time!
Sunday, August 9, 2015
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Patience and all those damned closed doors
Pardon my French, but really.... Have any of you been applying for jobs lately? If you have, then you feel my pain. I have applied for more than 50 jobs in the last couple of months, and I have been told "no" or ignored more than I ever thought I would.
I was talking to Jesus right after I got back from Ireland, and I told him, "Lord, I want you to slam every single door in my face that you don't want me to walk through." Pretty shortly after, I ended up breaking-up with my boyfriend, and was told to stop calling from one of the places I had been applying.
I've dealt with some pain in the last two months since I've been back. It hasn't been easy. It's hard to break the habit of texting your boyfriend every day. And it's hard to have yet another place tell you that they aren't interested in hiring you or that you don't have enough "experience" to fill the position.
I've wanted to scream at myself, "Krista! It shouldn't be this hard to stop talking to him! You work every single day. It's not like you were talking very often anyway!" And then I went to yell at all of those employers, "Um, excuse me. I can't get experience unless someone agrees to train me." I told one law office, "Here's the deal, I'm not intimidated by my lack of experience because I'm an enthusiastic and eager learner. I'm also a quick learner. So if you'll agree to train me, I will learn quickly and you won't regret it."
They didn't call me back.
I haven't applied anywhere in a while, and I don't miss him anymore; things are getting better. But it turns out that rejection and separation hurt. Growing-up hurts. I think it's just as painful for my family as it is for me. My mom is freaking out because all of her babies are going to be leaving very soon. Dad just keeps giving speeches about responsibility. It's hard for all of us.
All those damned closed doors. I mean really. I wasn't intending on applying to every single place I could think of when I started the job hunt, but when they weren't calling back, and I was basically stalking them, what else am I supposed to think?
But then this thing happened. I actually got the job that I wanted initially. Ha! Try that one on for size. It's been blowing my mind for the last several days. The job that I actually waned took the longest to apply, prepare, and hear back... But I got it.
Here's the crazy thing about that: I wouldn't have even applied if I had still been dating my boyfriend. I wouldn't have even looked at it if I had moved out immediately upon coming home - which I thought about a couple of times. (Damn closed door. I'm still living at home.) I wouldn't have realized how much I love my job or how much I value the people that I work with which turns out is going to be really important, if I had decided not to go back and work somewhere else.
I wouldn't have been enthusiastic about this job that I now have if I hadn't been turned down from other places - if I hadn't been forced to have a positive attitude about the bed that I was choosing to make and lie in. The extra time actually gave me time to value the company that I'm going to be working for. It gave me time to get to know my managers, who are invaluable to my learning experience there. (I mean really, my managers are the bomb-diggity.) All of those damned closed doors have made me exceedingly enthusiastic about working for a company that I respect and appreciate.
Maybe those closed doors aren't damned at all..... maybe their blessed....
Gratitude can do a lot to our perspective on life... I'm really grateful for parents who love me enough to freak out over the fact that I'm growing-up. I'm grateful that they want to give me speeches about financially responsibility and time - even though it really annoys me most of the time. I'm grateful that after ever interview or phone call with a company my dad has reminded me, "Who's your Daddy?" Not referring to himself, but referring to my Heavenly Father who knows best for me in all situations. I'm grateful that I've had the time to do Management Relief which has given me the time to get to know employees in other departments and get a glimpse at what I'm going to be doing in a couple of months. I'm grateful for the time that I've had to make friends in Nashville.... Cause I really thought I was gonna have to move to another state just so I could have friends....
Yeah... Blessed closed doors... not damned closed doors. I like that. I guess I just needed the patience to see that closed doors aren't the end of the world. They just guide me to the door where I can knock and enter in...
I was talking to Jesus right after I got back from Ireland, and I told him, "Lord, I want you to slam every single door in my face that you don't want me to walk through." Pretty shortly after, I ended up breaking-up with my boyfriend, and was told to stop calling from one of the places I had been applying.
I've dealt with some pain in the last two months since I've been back. It hasn't been easy. It's hard to break the habit of texting your boyfriend every day. And it's hard to have yet another place tell you that they aren't interested in hiring you or that you don't have enough "experience" to fill the position.
I've wanted to scream at myself, "Krista! It shouldn't be this hard to stop talking to him! You work every single day. It's not like you were talking very often anyway!" And then I went to yell at all of those employers, "Um, excuse me. I can't get experience unless someone agrees to train me." I told one law office, "Here's the deal, I'm not intimidated by my lack of experience because I'm an enthusiastic and eager learner. I'm also a quick learner. So if you'll agree to train me, I will learn quickly and you won't regret it."
They didn't call me back.
I haven't applied anywhere in a while, and I don't miss him anymore; things are getting better. But it turns out that rejection and separation hurt. Growing-up hurts. I think it's just as painful for my family as it is for me. My mom is freaking out because all of her babies are going to be leaving very soon. Dad just keeps giving speeches about responsibility. It's hard for all of us.
All those damned closed doors. I mean really. I wasn't intending on applying to every single place I could think of when I started the job hunt, but when they weren't calling back, and I was basically stalking them, what else am I supposed to think?
But then this thing happened. I actually got the job that I wanted initially. Ha! Try that one on for size. It's been blowing my mind for the last several days. The job that I actually waned took the longest to apply, prepare, and hear back... But I got it.
Here's the crazy thing about that: I wouldn't have even applied if I had still been dating my boyfriend. I wouldn't have even looked at it if I had moved out immediately upon coming home - which I thought about a couple of times. (Damn closed door. I'm still living at home.) I wouldn't have realized how much I love my job or how much I value the people that I work with which turns out is going to be really important, if I had decided not to go back and work somewhere else.
I wouldn't have been enthusiastic about this job that I now have if I hadn't been turned down from other places - if I hadn't been forced to have a positive attitude about the bed that I was choosing to make and lie in. The extra time actually gave me time to value the company that I'm going to be working for. It gave me time to get to know my managers, who are invaluable to my learning experience there. (I mean really, my managers are the bomb-diggity.) All of those damned closed doors have made me exceedingly enthusiastic about working for a company that I respect and appreciate.
Maybe those closed doors aren't damned at all..... maybe their blessed....
Gratitude can do a lot to our perspective on life... I'm really grateful for parents who love me enough to freak out over the fact that I'm growing-up. I'm grateful that they want to give me speeches about financially responsibility and time - even though it really annoys me most of the time. I'm grateful that after ever interview or phone call with a company my dad has reminded me, "Who's your Daddy?" Not referring to himself, but referring to my Heavenly Father who knows best for me in all situations. I'm grateful that I've had the time to do Management Relief which has given me the time to get to know employees in other departments and get a glimpse at what I'm going to be doing in a couple of months. I'm grateful for the time that I've had to make friends in Nashville.... Cause I really thought I was gonna have to move to another state just so I could have friends....
Yeah... Blessed closed doors... not damned closed doors. I like that. I guess I just needed the patience to see that closed doors aren't the end of the world. They just guide me to the door where I can knock and enter in...
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Community
One of my best friends in this world is a Pastor's daughter. When I came to college, I hated church. Before we really became friends, I watched her very closely, because I had this idea of what pastor's daughters were like (and it wasn't good). I thought she was gonna randomly change and go evil or something. Nope, she's been one of the most consistent people in my life. She has consistently been there for me. And has consistently been an example of the benefit of being a member of a body of believers, part of a Christian community.
In earlier days, she would smile sadly at me as I would make sarcastic and bitter comments about church and church people. She would tell me that there are always those churches out there, but one day she hoped that I would find a church that was good for me. And in those moments, I would realize that I had given up on church. I didn't need it.
Much has changed since then. Liv and I are still best friends, but we live far away from each other. She has encouraged all of our friends, most of whom had similar bad experiences like myself, to keep trying.
When I talk to her on the phone now, she has a long list of stories about all the things she's doing with her church, and I can tell that she still loves it. And I love her for it.
Today, I can proudly say that her hope and enthusiasm for church has actually rubbed off on me. This morning, I slept though my alarm clock and realized I would miss Sunday School class, which made me really upset... And I don't even have a consistent Sunday school class yet.
This Summer I got to see what it's like to be really involved in a church. And I loved it.
Then I came back. I was really worried that I wasn't going to find a church, but I started researching them online. So, jet lagged and hopeful I ended up at Community Church in Hendersonville.
This morning marked the 7th Sunday that I have attended this church. And as I sat with my very new acquaintances, who are actually my age, I couldn't help but think that I've finally found my church home.
Even if I don't become good friends with these acquaintances, I'm officially at the point where I'm meeting people. I'm starting to know people's names. I'm starting to notice things about them. I'm becoming part of this community.... And I'm really excited about it.
Last week I even went to church on Wednesday night. When the schedule came out on Friday, and I realized I could go to church again on Wednesday night, I actually squealed for joy and smiled like an idiot.
We have this theme this year at church called "Radically Changed." We are reading through the Bible... Last night I read 17 of some of the most depressing chapters in the Bible with an unnerving sense of enthusiasm. God bless Ezekiel... And even crazier, it makes me excited to be reading through the Bible with a group of people who are all doing the same thing.
But other than reading the Bible enthusiastically and craving it, the Lord has graciously allowed me to become part of this church's story. I'm becoming radically changed in the fact that I'm actually excited to be a member of a church. And while I'm not officially a member of this church, in my heart I have joined this community whole heartedly.
So thanks Liv for all your prayers and hope and your consistent example to me over the past four years. And to every one else that is looking for a good church, keep looking. God is going to bring you to the right place eventually, and enjoy the process of getting there. God is teaching you something in the journey. Take a moment to listen.
In earlier days, she would smile sadly at me as I would make sarcastic and bitter comments about church and church people. She would tell me that there are always those churches out there, but one day she hoped that I would find a church that was good for me. And in those moments, I would realize that I had given up on church. I didn't need it.
Much has changed since then. Liv and I are still best friends, but we live far away from each other. She has encouraged all of our friends, most of whom had similar bad experiences like myself, to keep trying.
When I talk to her on the phone now, she has a long list of stories about all the things she's doing with her church, and I can tell that she still loves it. And I love her for it.
Today, I can proudly say that her hope and enthusiasm for church has actually rubbed off on me. This morning, I slept though my alarm clock and realized I would miss Sunday School class, which made me really upset... And I don't even have a consistent Sunday school class yet.
This Summer I got to see what it's like to be really involved in a church. And I loved it.
Then I came back. I was really worried that I wasn't going to find a church, but I started researching them online. So, jet lagged and hopeful I ended up at Community Church in Hendersonville.
This morning marked the 7th Sunday that I have attended this church. And as I sat with my very new acquaintances, who are actually my age, I couldn't help but think that I've finally found my church home.
Even if I don't become good friends with these acquaintances, I'm officially at the point where I'm meeting people. I'm starting to know people's names. I'm starting to notice things about them. I'm becoming part of this community.... And I'm really excited about it.
Last week I even went to church on Wednesday night. When the schedule came out on Friday, and I realized I could go to church again on Wednesday night, I actually squealed for joy and smiled like an idiot.
We have this theme this year at church called "Radically Changed." We are reading through the Bible... Last night I read 17 of some of the most depressing chapters in the Bible with an unnerving sense of enthusiasm. God bless Ezekiel... And even crazier, it makes me excited to be reading through the Bible with a group of people who are all doing the same thing.
But other than reading the Bible enthusiastically and craving it, the Lord has graciously allowed me to become part of this church's story. I'm becoming radically changed in the fact that I'm actually excited to be a member of a church. And while I'm not officially a member of this church, in my heart I have joined this community whole heartedly.
So thanks Liv for all your prayers and hope and your consistent example to me over the past four years. And to every one else that is looking for a good church, keep looking. God is going to bring you to the right place eventually, and enjoy the process of getting there. God is teaching you something in the journey. Take a moment to listen.
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
Ordinary
The most extraordinary thing in the world is an ordinary man and an ordinary woman and their ordinary children. - G.K. Chesterton
I've been stuck on this idea of the ordinary for the last couple of months.
I went to Ireland, and it was great. But so much of my time spent there was very ordinary. I worked in an office from 8-5 every single day. I made dinner with my friends, watched movies, went for walks with my friends, had a birthday party, slept in a bed every single night. My life there seemed so ordinary.
But it definitely wasn't. I spent three months with people who have dropped everything to move to a completely foreign culture in order to empower the Church in that culture. I had no family in this culture, but many of the families "adopted" me as their own - treated me as a big sister, daughter. For a lot of them, English was not their first language.
There were castles EVERYWHERE. And I'm not being sarcastic. I ALMOST got used to seeing them, that's how many there were. You could see them off the motorway (Interstate), on small roads, next to churches, next to cottages, in the city centre, everywhere. But they never ceased to amaze me, even though I saw them in so many places.
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The crazy thing about all of this was that it is completely normal for all the people that live in Ireland. The Irish are really great about taking a moment to stop and appreciate what's around them, and they will quickly tell you what is awesome about their country. But all of the beauty is normal to them.
I went to Italy after Ireland and there is a completely different sense of pride there. They know that their country is beautiful in its own way, and they very willingly tell you all about it.
These places are so beautiful, and so ordinary to the people that live there... So my definition of the ordinary is being changed. It's making my view of my job different. So instead of thinking that it doesn't matter how I bag someone's groceries or talk to a customer matters, I remember that it does matter, because the ordinary is actually extraordinary.
God doesn't just call us to glorify him in the big things, in the great. In stead he call us to glorify him in everything that we do. So I should glorify him in everything, whether I'm walking through the streets of Galway and Venice or cleaning the kitchen for my family.
Sunday, September 14, 2014
I work at Kroger...
Upon seeing my title, I'm sure your response was, "It's okay! You'll find something worthwhile to do with your life!"
That's normally the response I get anyway.
Here's the funny thing about where I work: I love it.
I love my job. I love that I'm basically always doing something - I hate the days when we're slow. I love that I get to interact with different people and the same people every single day. I love the look my customers give me when I remember what they made for dinner last week and I ask how it turned out. I love my co-workers. I love my managers. My Kroger family is awesome all the way from the customers to management.
The other day I had a customer say, "Sweetie, you're a good person. I've watched you in here before and you're just a good person. You need to be a guidance counsellor or something. Not a Floor Supervisor at Kroger."
I got to thinking about it, and while the compliment was taken with a smile and a blush (cause I can't seem to help it), she missed something very important. I get to be an unofficial guidance counsellor. I get to be a listening ear. I get to be a chef, janitor, office admin., teacher, military commander, shoulder to cry on, and a source of laughter and encouragement - and sometimes even more than that depending on the day.
I play 10 different roles on any given day, and I love it. I love that I get to use everything that I'm good at in what I do. I love that Kroger is moving towards values that I believe in. I love that part of my job as a Floor Supervisor is to make sure employees are taken care of. I love that random people feel like they can tell me their entire life story, just because I work behind Customer Service.
I really like my job.
I've had a bunch of people tell me that I can "do so much better!" And there are days when I agree with them. There are days when I hate my customers, my co-workers, and every single product and sale that we have going on. But at the end of the day, I remember how lucky I am to even have a job, and I'm brought back to why I love it.
As for being able to do better, maybe. I have dreams of moving up in the company. I have dreams of making a difference in people's lives in the day-to-day activity of grocery shopping. So as for right now, better doesn't really seem like it's that big of a deal.
If you're a praying person, you can pray that I continue to be receptive to what the Lord might be leading me in. Pray that the Lord continues to give me a spirit of confidence and hope in my work.
If you're not a praying person, please join in hoping with me. I hope that when people shop at my store, they leave with a smile on their face, or at the very least their day hasn't gotten worse. I hope that my regular customers get to know our employees so they feel at home in our store. I hope that I continue to be happy there, and if I'm not at any one point, I hope I find another job.
I'm not really sure why I felt the need to write this... I've been thinking about it for a while now, and I think I just needed to write it down. If you read through all of my nauseating optimism, thank you. My post before this one is on how I apparently needed a perspective change on couponing. It's not nearly as nauseatingly optimistic. Ha ha.
Anyways, thanks for reading, y'all! You're the best!
That's normally the response I get anyway.
Here's the funny thing about where I work: I love it.
I love my job. I love that I'm basically always doing something - I hate the days when we're slow. I love that I get to interact with different people and the same people every single day. I love the look my customers give me when I remember what they made for dinner last week and I ask how it turned out. I love my co-workers. I love my managers. My Kroger family is awesome all the way from the customers to management.
The other day I had a customer say, "Sweetie, you're a good person. I've watched you in here before and you're just a good person. You need to be a guidance counsellor or something. Not a Floor Supervisor at Kroger."
I got to thinking about it, and while the compliment was taken with a smile and a blush (cause I can't seem to help it), she missed something very important. I get to be an unofficial guidance counsellor. I get to be a listening ear. I get to be a chef, janitor, office admin., teacher, military commander, shoulder to cry on, and a source of laughter and encouragement - and sometimes even more than that depending on the day.
I play 10 different roles on any given day, and I love it. I love that I get to use everything that I'm good at in what I do. I love that Kroger is moving towards values that I believe in. I love that part of my job as a Floor Supervisor is to make sure employees are taken care of. I love that random people feel like they can tell me their entire life story, just because I work behind Customer Service.
I really like my job.
I've had a bunch of people tell me that I can "do so much better!" And there are days when I agree with them. There are days when I hate my customers, my co-workers, and every single product and sale that we have going on. But at the end of the day, I remember how lucky I am to even have a job, and I'm brought back to why I love it.
As for being able to do better, maybe. I have dreams of moving up in the company. I have dreams of making a difference in people's lives in the day-to-day activity of grocery shopping. So as for right now, better doesn't really seem like it's that big of a deal.
If you're a praying person, you can pray that I continue to be receptive to what the Lord might be leading me in. Pray that the Lord continues to give me a spirit of confidence and hope in my work.
If you're not a praying person, please join in hoping with me. I hope that when people shop at my store, they leave with a smile on their face, or at the very least their day hasn't gotten worse. I hope that my regular customers get to know our employees so they feel at home in our store. I hope that I continue to be happy there, and if I'm not at any one point, I hope I find another job.
I'm not really sure why I felt the need to write this... I've been thinking about it for a while now, and I think I just needed to write it down. If you read through all of my nauseating optimism, thank you. My post before this one is on how I apparently needed a perspective change on couponing. It's not nearly as nauseatingly optimistic. Ha ha.
Anyways, thanks for reading, y'all! You're the best!
Let's talk about couponing...
It's been a while since you guys have heard from me... Well, some of you anyway. Others of you received my blog updates and newsletters this Summer while I was in Ireland.
Let me catch those of you who care up: I'm back working at Kroger and loving it. I'm also applying for full-time jobs because they won't make me full-time. *sigh* I'm hoping I get to go into management within Kroger, but we'll see. They would have to hire me for that dream to be fulfilled, which hasn't happened. They have graciously given me an interview, though. Fingers crossed and prayers on the rest. :)
On the note of grocery stores, let's take a minute to talk about couponing.
Coupons are basically a cashier's nightmare. Most of them don't ring up, and customers get very angry when you tell them that they got the wrong thing or they realize the noise is going off that lets the cashier know that something is wrong with the coupon. Even when the cashier intends on giving the customer the coupon, I've seen customers scream at their cashier for the coupon not coming off immediately upon its scannage (yes, I did just make that word up).
Personally, I don't have anything against coupons except when the customer is really defensive and angry, or just doesn't follow our coupon policy.
This is what I've noticed: These women basically put their identity into these coupons. They refuse to get the items that the coupons don't ring up on, and they will dehumanize anyone who stands in the way of them getting the coupon.
But then there is always that one that graces us with their point of view. This actually doesn't happen very often. They normally just yell until they get what they want or stomp out of our store swearing to never come back.
The lady that talked to me tonight was not a born-and-raised American, but she was obviously an American citizen. She used WIC coupons for some of her order and then paid for the rest normally. This is what stuck out to me with her.
This woman initially tells me that she's almost stopped going to Kroger because every time she comes in our store she has a bad experience. As someone who makes it their goal to make sure customers never say that, I was a little hurt. However, she pretty obviously just needed someone to listen to her, so I sat there and listened.
She listed off all the men and women who have been rude to her whenever she has used coupons, giving me many vivid examples of this person or the other. She explained very clearly how it made her feel. She even used to words "discrimination" and "dehumanizing." She is near tears just telling me about it. She says that she comes to our store late at night, just to avoid these particular people because she know they won't be there.
At first I thought she was just being dramatic, as most of these woman are. But then she started to give me solutions. She said, "I've been thinking about this, and I think that if you guys just did a couple of things special for the couponers, everybody would be happy."
This woman is not trying to make my life, as a Floor Supervisor/ Customer Service Rep., miserable. She is not trying to hold up our lines. She is not trying to make other customers angry. This woman just wants to be smart with her money. She said, "I follow what the wording on the coupon says exactly, and if I missed something, I happily take the coupon back. But I shouldn't be harassed just because I'm using coupons."
Before she walked away, she stopped and thanked me for listening to her, and she actually left with a smile on her face. This woman was one of two or three in the last month of have given me enough of their time to explain why they do what they do, and how they think they can make it easier on us and themselves. Their attitudes have inspired me.
I really like my customers. Most of them try to recognize me and get to know me, and I try to get to know them. I even try really hard to memorize their birthdays and the cigarettes they like to get... Sometimes it's the little things, ya know?
Anyways, I've always had a hard time liking the couponers, mostly because they're never interested in getting to know my cashiers. They only care about their coupons. Then, with these couple of women, I have been doing exactly what the woman tonight said other people had been doing to her in my store. I have been discriminating against people who coupon.
As she so astutely put it, "I'm just trying to save some money and follow the rules. The least you could do is have a cashier who isn't going to harass me about it. I should get the same customer service as every other customer."
She's right.
We kind of do that same sort of thing in all areas of life though, right? For example: All people are sinners, but murderers are the really awful sinners.
I'm in this process of growing up.... And while in this process, I'm realizing that not everything is that cut and dry. We're all deserving of love and grace because Christ extends love and grace to all of us regardless of whether we are couponers, alcoholics, homosexuals, control freaks, worriers, etc. You get my drift, right?
It's all the same in Christ's eyes. So if I'm trying to be like Christ, if I'm trying to let him live and love through me, shouldn't I be viewing all of these people the same way.
Shouldn't I see all customers as deserving of love and respect, even in something as menial as checking out their groceries?
Shouldn't all people be shown love and respect no matter how big the sins are in their lives?
I'm not saying I want to go and hug murderers (yeah... no), but those people who go and do jail ministry are gonna have a whole set a crowns just for them some day because they choose to look beyond the outward sins of the people and jail and say, "Hey, you can change and you can be better because Christ loves you. And even if you don't want to change, let me get to know you and remind you of your humanity while you're stuck in here."
I'm willing to bet that woman will come back again, and she'll probably ask for me. She's just asking for someone to show her a little bit of respect. She just wants someone to acknowledge the fact that she is working very hard to save money for her family. She wants someone to acknowledge her humanity and hard work.
A word of advice to all of you couponers out there: Be nice to your cashiers. Sometimes coupon policies are confusing. Also, it's not worth getting upset over fifty cents.
To all you cashiers out there: Remember that couponers are people too.
And to all of you sinners out there, like myself: Praise the good Lord because he doesn't need reminders to treat us with grace love and mercy. In fact, he pours it out freely. *happy sigh*
And with that, I wish you all good night!
Let me catch those of you who care up: I'm back working at Kroger and loving it. I'm also applying for full-time jobs because they won't make me full-time. *sigh* I'm hoping I get to go into management within Kroger, but we'll see. They would have to hire me for that dream to be fulfilled, which hasn't happened. They have graciously given me an interview, though. Fingers crossed and prayers on the rest. :)
On the note of grocery stores, let's take a minute to talk about couponing.
Coupons are basically a cashier's nightmare. Most of them don't ring up, and customers get very angry when you tell them that they got the wrong thing or they realize the noise is going off that lets the cashier know that something is wrong with the coupon. Even when the cashier intends on giving the customer the coupon, I've seen customers scream at their cashier for the coupon not coming off immediately upon its scannage (yes, I did just make that word up).
Personally, I don't have anything against coupons except when the customer is really defensive and angry, or just doesn't follow our coupon policy.
This is what I've noticed: These women basically put their identity into these coupons. They refuse to get the items that the coupons don't ring up on, and they will dehumanize anyone who stands in the way of them getting the coupon.
But then there is always that one that graces us with their point of view. This actually doesn't happen very often. They normally just yell until they get what they want or stomp out of our store swearing to never come back.
The lady that talked to me tonight was not a born-and-raised American, but she was obviously an American citizen. She used WIC coupons for some of her order and then paid for the rest normally. This is what stuck out to me with her.
This woman initially tells me that she's almost stopped going to Kroger because every time she comes in our store she has a bad experience. As someone who makes it their goal to make sure customers never say that, I was a little hurt. However, she pretty obviously just needed someone to listen to her, so I sat there and listened.
She listed off all the men and women who have been rude to her whenever she has used coupons, giving me many vivid examples of this person or the other. She explained very clearly how it made her feel. She even used to words "discrimination" and "dehumanizing." She is near tears just telling me about it. She says that she comes to our store late at night, just to avoid these particular people because she know they won't be there.
At first I thought she was just being dramatic, as most of these woman are. But then she started to give me solutions. She said, "I've been thinking about this, and I think that if you guys just did a couple of things special for the couponers, everybody would be happy."
This woman is not trying to make my life, as a Floor Supervisor/ Customer Service Rep., miserable. She is not trying to hold up our lines. She is not trying to make other customers angry. This woman just wants to be smart with her money. She said, "I follow what the wording on the coupon says exactly, and if I missed something, I happily take the coupon back. But I shouldn't be harassed just because I'm using coupons."
Before she walked away, she stopped and thanked me for listening to her, and she actually left with a smile on her face. This woman was one of two or three in the last month of have given me enough of their time to explain why they do what they do, and how they think they can make it easier on us and themselves. Their attitudes have inspired me.
I really like my customers. Most of them try to recognize me and get to know me, and I try to get to know them. I even try really hard to memorize their birthdays and the cigarettes they like to get... Sometimes it's the little things, ya know?
Anyways, I've always had a hard time liking the couponers, mostly because they're never interested in getting to know my cashiers. They only care about their coupons. Then, with these couple of women, I have been doing exactly what the woman tonight said other people had been doing to her in my store. I have been discriminating against people who coupon.
As she so astutely put it, "I'm just trying to save some money and follow the rules. The least you could do is have a cashier who isn't going to harass me about it. I should get the same customer service as every other customer."
She's right.
We kind of do that same sort of thing in all areas of life though, right? For example: All people are sinners, but murderers are the really awful sinners.
I'm in this process of growing up.... And while in this process, I'm realizing that not everything is that cut and dry. We're all deserving of love and grace because Christ extends love and grace to all of us regardless of whether we are couponers, alcoholics, homosexuals, control freaks, worriers, etc. You get my drift, right?
It's all the same in Christ's eyes. So if I'm trying to be like Christ, if I'm trying to let him live and love through me, shouldn't I be viewing all of these people the same way.
Shouldn't I see all customers as deserving of love and respect, even in something as menial as checking out their groceries?
Shouldn't all people be shown love and respect no matter how big the sins are in their lives?
I'm not saying I want to go and hug murderers (yeah... no), but those people who go and do jail ministry are gonna have a whole set a crowns just for them some day because they choose to look beyond the outward sins of the people and jail and say, "Hey, you can change and you can be better because Christ loves you. And even if you don't want to change, let me get to know you and remind you of your humanity while you're stuck in here."
I'm willing to bet that woman will come back again, and she'll probably ask for me. She's just asking for someone to show her a little bit of respect. She just wants someone to acknowledge the fact that she is working very hard to save money for her family. She wants someone to acknowledge her humanity and hard work.
A word of advice to all of you couponers out there: Be nice to your cashiers. Sometimes coupon policies are confusing. Also, it's not worth getting upset over fifty cents.
To all you cashiers out there: Remember that couponers are people too.
And to all of you sinners out there, like myself: Praise the good Lord because he doesn't need reminders to treat us with grace love and mercy. In fact, he pours it out freely. *happy sigh*
And with that, I wish you all good night!
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Marvelous Light
I lay on the ground. Like Atlas, the weight of the world keeps me down.
I struggle to get up. I reach and reach. I push. And yet, for all my struggle, my face is pushed to the ground. My core held in place by the world. My arms locked by chains. My ankles held by anchors.
I cry out. I scream.
"This darkness, this weight is overwhelming!"
The darkness seems to answer my plea. It taunts. It claws at my mind, and it streaks my tears. Darkness slides down my face.
"YHWH! Jehovah! Jesus Christ! Please take this weight from me! Make the darkness go away. I can't stand it any more! I am drowning in darkness!!"
Realizing that there is nothing more I can do and nothing more to say, I wish my life were over. My life must end, in order for this darkness and weight to be lifted.
A breeze floats into my darkness. I wonder where it comes from. I wonder at its origins.
It smells like the air after it rains. It smells like a breeze coming off the ocean. It smells like chocolate chip cookies baking. It smells like the flowers that sit on my window sill....
The darkness does not lift, but no longer do I feel alone. Someone must be coming. Someone must have broken through the darkness.
I can see something. Far, far away in the distance. A speck. I had forgotten my eyes were even open. In this darkness, nothing can be truly seen.
It grows a little brighter and a little larger. The speck is light. It is so far away, but there it is.
Someone is coming. Someone has broken my darkness. I will be rescued. This weight will not be here forever. I am no longer surrounded by darkness.
But the darkness is far more cunning than that. It knows that this light fills me with hope, and so it causes the weight to be heavier and whispers lies into my heart. It swears that I will never be freed. It promises that anchors will always be tied to my feet. It sneers that light is just an illusion.
But the light persists. It is steady and unwavering.
I stare at it, begging it to come closer, but it doesn't move.
It is steady. It does not flicker.
As the darkness whispers and scratches at my heart with the barbed wire it has planted in me since I was a child, the light persists. My eyes never leave the light, and the light does not go away.
I am reminded that trials cause perseverance and perseverance brings character, and character, hope. So this darkness that beats upon me will bring hope. It will bring character. It will bring perseverance.
So I will wait. I will wait and suffer through the darkness. I will wait until the light frees me from this darkness and weight, knowing full well that it will probably come back some day. But the light will always persist.
I struggle to get up. I reach and reach. I push. And yet, for all my struggle, my face is pushed to the ground. My core held in place by the world. My arms locked by chains. My ankles held by anchors.
I cry out. I scream.
"This darkness, this weight is overwhelming!"
The darkness seems to answer my plea. It taunts. It claws at my mind, and it streaks my tears. Darkness slides down my face.
"YHWH! Jehovah! Jesus Christ! Please take this weight from me! Make the darkness go away. I can't stand it any more! I am drowning in darkness!!"
Realizing that there is nothing more I can do and nothing more to say, I wish my life were over. My life must end, in order for this darkness and weight to be lifted.
A breeze floats into my darkness. I wonder where it comes from. I wonder at its origins.
It smells like the air after it rains. It smells like a breeze coming off the ocean. It smells like chocolate chip cookies baking. It smells like the flowers that sit on my window sill....
The darkness does not lift, but no longer do I feel alone. Someone must be coming. Someone must have broken through the darkness.
I can see something. Far, far away in the distance. A speck. I had forgotten my eyes were even open. In this darkness, nothing can be truly seen.
It grows a little brighter and a little larger. The speck is light. It is so far away, but there it is.
Someone is coming. Someone has broken my darkness. I will be rescued. This weight will not be here forever. I am no longer surrounded by darkness.
But the darkness is far more cunning than that. It knows that this light fills me with hope, and so it causes the weight to be heavier and whispers lies into my heart. It swears that I will never be freed. It promises that anchors will always be tied to my feet. It sneers that light is just an illusion.
But the light persists. It is steady and unwavering.
I stare at it, begging it to come closer, but it doesn't move.
It is steady. It does not flicker.
As the darkness whispers and scratches at my heart with the barbed wire it has planted in me since I was a child, the light persists. My eyes never leave the light, and the light does not go away.
I am reminded that trials cause perseverance and perseverance brings character, and character, hope. So this darkness that beats upon me will bring hope. It will bring character. It will bring perseverance.
So I will wait. I will wait and suffer through the darkness. I will wait until the light frees me from this darkness and weight, knowing full well that it will probably come back some day. But the light will always persist.
"My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God . . . For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he wihthold from those whose walk is blameless."
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