I wear this ring on my "wedding ring" finger symbolizing that I have promised to "save" myself for marriage. I got it when I turned 15, and I love this ring. It never leaves my finger. It is beautiful. My Daddy picked it out.
Now, aside from the fact that this ring is beautiful, it truly means a lot to me. The symbolism alone makes my heart beat just a little bit harder. The largest stone is this purplish blue color - symbolizing my royalty as a Child of the King of Kings. The diamonds signify to me that I am valuable in the sight of my Creator as well as in the sight of my earthly father. The circular band signifies that Christ's love has no end. This beautiful ring that my Dad picked out reminds me that both he and the Lord view me as far more beautiful than this ring. This ring is only a symbol. I seriously love this ring.
In a world where sex is the norm, this ring reminds me that I've promised myself to someone... somewhere... sometime... in the future, which is currently a cause for pause. When I made this promise at 15, I thought I would be engaged by now. I thought that this ring would be replaced by some other ring that the love of my life had placed on that finger. I mean, I am a Senior in College - a college where they preached that 62% of us would find our spouses here, only to have that percentage fall since then.
So here I am. 21 years old and pure as the driven snow, well, sort of. I laugh at the memories of my high school boyfriend telling me he couldn't kiss me because Jesus had to be "in our kisses" - whatever that means. Then when he tried to kiss me, I realized he was only doing it to make me happy - sweet, but not ideal - I think I'll pass.
My co-workers talk pityingly about how naive I am, and I try to pretend like that doesn't annoy the heck out of me. Let's just say, I'm feeling a little angsty. I've been taught my whole life that sex is this beautiful thing that should be shared between husband and wife, and it wasn't until college that I heard it could be fun, relaxing - it even helps you sleep? (weird.)
Up until now, I've been terrified. Let's be real. Getting naked in front of somebody... just doesn't sound super great. Just like every other girl on the planet, I'm interested in the intimacy and the pleasure that supposedly comes with it. Nobody has ever taught me what to do with that though. We don't talk about it in church, because we're just supposed to "say no."
Newsflash: You can't tell a young adult to "just say no." It doesn't work that way anymore. I'm getting to the point where I can think for myself and make my own decisions, so there's got to be a better reason than "just say no. trust me honey."
I'm about to enter into the "real world" - another phrase that annoys me (stay tuned for that blog post) - and in that "real world" is sex. So how do I deal with my growing comfort with my sexuality and discomfort with my virginity?
Right now, in my safe little bubble at college, it is enough to say that I know that the Lord has a better plan for my life and I trust him enough to not do anything stupid. What I want to know is this: Why do we shame people in the church for having sex out side of marriage when there is supposed to be repentance and grace offered at the feet of Jesus? Why do we put virgins on a pedestal expecting them to "just say no" and then flip a switch as soon as they get married?
Let me give you another dose of honesty: There isn't a switch. I'm not going to be able to go from not doing anything to giving everything on my wedding day. I don't plan on this, but it seems like this is the expectation sometimes. I need a little room to breathe with my hypothetical boyfriend/fiance/husband please! Oh! And what if I mess up? Am I suddenly ruined for all eternity? Is the sky going to fall? Am I going to be struck with lightning?
I know I'm sounding a little dramatic. I'm simply asking for some conversation. Come on Church. Help-a-sista out.
Shouldn't we give our daughters purity rings as a reminder that their bodies are temples and deserved to be treated as such? If that's the case, along with teaching them that they should wait to have sex until they get married, they should also be taught that this is not because they should be ashamed of their bodies or their sexuality. In fact, waiting is a way of honoring both of those things.
So I wear this ring. Some days, my purity ring feels heavy on my finger. Some days, I simply love that it sparkles in the sunlight. Here's the thing though: I don't feel as if I've been taught how to deal with sexuality. I know for a fact that my parents did not give it to me to suppress my sexuality until I get married. However, this ring does not make me better than anyone else. And sometimes it makes me a little conflicted.
Just as some encouragement to all of you like me: My conflict, my struggle, does not make me better or worse as a Christian. It doesn't mean that I'm giving into my lust. It means that like every single person, human, I struggle with my sexuality. It's not my identity; my sexual actions do not define who I am; oh, and not every sexual action is "sexual." (Last time I checked, flirting does not imply that sex is ultimately desired... That's like a whole different story... Maybe for some other day.)
We are sexual beings because God created us to be that way. I think that this means we should celebrate and explore that. There must be a healthy way to do it, within the bounds that the Bible seems to sketch out for us. I'm asking for some conversation. Anyone with me?
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